First Word #3 - Ask Grandma First

The First Word:
Ask Grandma First
by Cari A. Taplin

We all know that the first rule of genealogy is to TALK TO YOUR RELATIVES. The second rule of genealogy is to TALK TO YOUR RELATIVES. Every beginning genealogy book, article or class will tell you to first to TALK TO YOUR RELATIVES.

How do you know what to ask? How do you know what information Grandma has in her head? I can never guess what my grandma is going to reveal to me next! I can ask her a question directly about her family and she won’t know the answer. Then she’ll tell me some obscure item about great aunt Betty she’s only met one time 60 years ago–someone I would never have thought to ask her about. If some one has an easier way to figure this out, please let me know. But I digress. . .

I want to share an experience that happened to me this summer. My family and I took a rather long vacation–two weeks in Ohio and another week in Kansas. My main area of research is in northwestern Ohio. Every time we go back, I spend at least a day or two at area libraries seeking and finding more information. And of course, I spend time asking Grandma questions.

This summer I discovered that the public library in Perrysburg, Ohio had just acquired copies of the records of Zoar Lutheran Church covering 1859 through 1930. What luck! My Miller family were all members of Zoar Lutheran Church and had been for as far back as Grandma can remember. This gives me a new source to work with, which is great because I have the wonderful opportunity to research the surname “Miller.” And not just any “Miller” but “unique” names such as William Miller, John Miller, Fred and Mary Miller. (I need to see the cup half full and take this as a way to really hone my genealogical skills, right?)

In researching these newly available church records, I came across a marriage for a possible brother to my ancestor William John Miller, a Fred Miller married to Mary Kopp. I knew from other research that William did indeed have a brother named Fred but I didn’t know much about him. I was excited to find this bit of information but didn’t know exactly how to go about proving that this Fred was my relative. The only bit of information I had on Fred Miller was from William’s obituary which stated that at the time of William’s death his brother Fred lived in Trilby, Ohio.1 It did not mention a wife or any children. I could not tell from the obituary if he had married. I began going over the possible ways to prove the theory in my head. It would involve a lot of work: trips to libraries, time on the internet and so on to connect this Fred and Mary (Kopp) Miller to William Miller.

So the next mental step I took was to locate Trilby. So I asked Grandma “Do you have an atlas I could borrow?” (Not “Do you know where Trilby is?” Duh.) After not finding it on the map my grandma asks me what I’m looking for. So I tell her about William’s obituary and the clue that his brother Fred was in Trilby, Ohio and I was trying to locate it.

Well, her next statement sort of hit me as a “boy, I’m not thinking straight” moment. She said “Oh, you mean Uncle Fred and Aunt Mary.” That clinched it for me. Granted, Fred and Mary Miller are common names, but the fact that they attended this particular small church and Grandma put those names together without my prompting, has led me to believe it is “probably true” that Fred Miller, brother of William, married Mary Kopp. You have some “probably trues” in your own research too, don’t you?

I will be doing other research to verify this, but the “ah-ha” moment of grandma’s simple statement made me realize a few things. First of all, after doing what I consider “serious genealogy” for about 5 years now, I think I’ve gotten tunnel vision. I’ve been doing research in books, newspapers, online and such for so long that I didn’t even think to ask a living, breathing relative. I didn’t even consider it. Genealogy is all about studying dead relatives anyway, right? I should have asked her first if she’d known William’s brother and his wife. Or at the very least I should have asked her if she knew where Trilby was before I broke out the map.

The second and maybe most eye-opening thing I’ve come to realize is that there is no rhyme or reason to the information that people can or cannot remember. You just have to talk to them and find out what knowledge is hidden their heads. Maybe you’ve had similar experiences. Surely it isn’t just me.

1. William J. Miller obituary, The Perrysburg Journal, Perrysburg, Ohio, 29 August 1952, p 1, c 5.